“The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”
“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.”
“Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.”
“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”
“Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!”
“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.”
“There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
“Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.”
1. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.
2. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself or Go Bowling.
3. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
4. I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl,
But It Don't Run So We're Even.
5. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).
6. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
7. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
8. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away.
9. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
10. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
12. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
13. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
14. I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.
15. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.
16. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
17. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
18. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.
19. Please Bypass My Heart.
20. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger.
21. You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat.
22. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
23. Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure.
24. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
25. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman,
But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got
the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell
out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start
talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to
answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to
leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very
small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry
Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam.
Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam.
Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another
seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out,
start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently,
scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving
after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completlely drunk (completely drunk means at some point
during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put
on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the
opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciencs related, make up the longest proofs
you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to
you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2
rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it,
loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this.
've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal?
And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one,
make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks
why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that
goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper.
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally
get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme
to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
1. Inability to put forth the effort required to complete any task.
Three-headed dog! (Cerberus) w/ Harry Potter
And this is how it would look like inside...
A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."
And for plenty of good reasons, since:
1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. it is a major component in acid rain
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. it contributes to erosion
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients
He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.
* Forty-three (43) said yes,
* six (6) were undecided,
* and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.
The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He feels the conclusion is obvious.